Bang Up: A Filthy Comedic Thriller, Jeff Strand
Rating: 5 ‘Hilariously Naughty’ Stars
Publisher: Jeff Strand
Genre: Comedic Thriller (the author’s words)
Tags: Contemporary, Humor (Some Dark), Infidelity, Hit Man, M/F Sex, Sex, and More Sex
Length: 175 Pages
Purchase At: Amazon.com
“You want to pay me to sleep with your wife?”
Kirk is extremely surprised by Ralph’s proposition. He’s even more surprised by the next part: Kirk is supposed to perform BADLY, to make Ralph look good by comparison. And Julie isn’t supposed to know that any of this was planned.
It’s the kind of offer any smart, sane person would turn down. But this is not a book about smart, sane people. This is “bad decisions spiral out of control” all the way.
From the Bram Stoker Award-nominated author of PRESSURE and DWELLER comes something lighter, goofier, and way, way smuttier.
That was one of the funniest books I’ve read in a very long time. A few years ago I read Stalking You Now by Jeff Strand (updated purchase link). I had every intention of reading more of his work but it never happened. I saw Bang Up on Amazon and knew I was going to read it. I’m SO glad I did. I swear I can’t remember the last time I was this entertained by a book.
It all starts when Ralph discovers what he thinks is proof of his wife wanting to have an affair. Not having an affair, wanting to have an affair. Well, Ralph takes it upon himself to do something really stupid. He offers a total stranger (that would be Kirk) a thousand dollars cash if he’ll have sex with his wife Julie. The condition? It has to be horrible, miserable sex for Julie. Kirk, no matter how much he wants to really get into it and please the woman, is to fumble and do everything imaginable to make sure the sex is the worst Julie will ever experience. Why? So she’ll get over her want to have sex with strangers. If the sex is bad with Kirk, then surely Julie won’t be interested in getting naked with another man. She’ll just want Ralph.
“I want it to be a complete disaster of a sexual experience. If she ends up in bed with a guy like you – and I think we both agree that you look like you could fuck like a porn start – and if it’s an awkward, unsatisfying, embarrassing disappointment, she’ll quit looking.”
Ralph isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. Can you tell?
When Ralph approaches Kirk at a restaurant Kirk thinks he’s gone mad. This total stranger is offering him a grand to have bad sex with his wife. He almost doesn’t agree. I mean, what an idiotic plan, right? But he really needs the money, and after taking a day or so to think about it, he agrees. After doing a bit of ‘homework’ a plan is in place. What Kirk doesn’t expect is for Julie to make the first move.
That probably should’ve told him something.
Kirk tries to be a bad lover. He really does. But he’s just not able to. Julie is a beautiful and sexy woman. Once he gets going he can’t stop. He wants to feel good and he wants to make sure Julie feels good.
When Ralph discovers that Kirk actually pleased Julie during the sex, he decides to hire a hit man to kill Kirk. It was supposed to be bad sex, not the good kind that had Julie glowing when she got home after it was over. Ralph hasn’t exactly proven himself as being very bright when it comes to hiring total strangers. Approaching Skip (as he’d done Kirk) was pretty dumb. Skip is probably the worst ‘hit man’ in existence. He’s also one of the most hilarious characters ever.
A little more about the cast of characters –
Ralph. Ralph can only really get it up for his wife when a sock puppet named Dippy is involved. Yes, I said sock puppet. Gee, I can’t imagine why she might wanna hook up with other men. Heavy sarcasm, obviously. 🙂
Julie. Julie’s all about having sex with hot Kirk. Her own husband set it up – and paid the man to do it – so why not?
Kirk. He tries really hard to suck in bed but fails miserably. There’s a conversation he and Skip have at one point that had me giggling.
Skip. He’s a big softy. Oh, how I adored him. Skip’s okay with killing but not stealing. That would just be wrong. 😉 He also can’t figure out the difference between an orgy and a three-way.
Myra. Myra is Kirk’s friend with benefits. Poor Myra. She’s the only semi-sane one in the bunch.
The conversations they all had… absolutely priceless.
“So did you two work out your homophobic concerns?” asked Julie.
“It’s not homophobic, for fuck’s sake!” Kirk insisted. “You can be in favor of gay marriage and equal rights under the law and be appalled by conversion therapy and believe that we are born with our sexual preferences and still not want some guy’s boner rubbing against your leg.”
“Civilized people don’t go into their bedroom to have sex when there’s a guest in the apartment and a psycho jealous husband on the way.”
Skip nodded. “I misread the room. Wouldn’t be the first time.”
I laughed out loud more times that I could count while reading this book. It’s mostly sex or talking about sex – and it’s really hot sex – but it has a good story behind it all. The author calls it a ‘Filthy Comedic Thriller,’ which describes it perfectly. Not one thing in this book is safe for work. You wouldn’t want to read it at work anyway because you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from laughing out loud.
I recommend this to everybody. If you like comedy, good sex, and a crazy cast of characters, Bang Up is perfect. I can’t say it’s a true love story but I can’t say it’s not either. 😉
Overall, a fantastic book that has gone on my all-time favorites shelf.